primary Darija Mateja Strah, gynecologist
Milan Krajnc, psychotherapist
The biggest problem for women today is that they forget themselves. If we look at how much work and tasks they have been given over the past decades, this is also a logical answer. However, the fact that the world continues to function “normally” does not mean that it must remain so. Women must become women again to keep the world in balance.
I had not even made it to the office door when my phone rang. I answered it when someone whispered to me…
“When are you coming into the office?”. “In three minutes,” I whispered back.
The lady was waiting for me at the door. A lady of every description. She smiled at me. It was the first time I was mistaken for a lady, especially a prospective client. The bag fell awkwardly out of my hands. I looked for the keys, but in all the
confusion I could not find them. I asked her quietly, “Did you whisper?” “Yes”, she
smiled at me.
But when I managed to find the keys, unlock them and get to my office through all the rooms, I offered her a place on the work couch. First I offered her coffee, then even something short. Which she accepted both. Four minutes later I was back with everything, served her and said there was no need to whisper.
So we interrupted the initial trembling with laughter – it was her first visit to me
and I got confused.
“What brought you to the coast so early?” I asked her.
“Otherwise I have no time, I cannot make it at all… I try to be a good employer, a good wife, a good mother. Good at everything, if not first-class. But for two weeks I have felt suffocated. I went to my doctor, and he told me I did not need medication, that it was better to talk to someone… And since I am following your post, I came looking for you. “
“Thanks,” I said. “First, can you describe your day for me?”
“I am already at the pool at six in the morning, swimming until 6:50. At 7.10 I go to the hairdresser. At 8.15 I pick up the children from the home and take them to school. At 9.00 a.m. at the company we start school and then I work until I am done. The employees leave at 4:00 pm because we are a family-friendly company. That is when I usually finish all the things they have not done. Around 7pm I go home when I pick up the kids from my mum’s, where they go after school and all the activities. My husband comes home at the same time, very tired, so I prepare dinner for everyone. Then we chat until 9.30 pm when the children go to bed and I do something else until midnight and fall into bed. When my husband is too tired, he snores, and I fall asleep right in the office. And it’s been that way for years… Every day is just like the day. And now, at 42, I cannot go on, I want something else… I do not know how, just another drug.
As she said her last words, she took a deep breath and just laid back down… “Please save me,” she said with her last breaths.
I also leaned back in my chair and thought a little. Hmm, the person cannot say NO they need much attention… But why did I have such a strange feeling this morning? I look at all my clients very professionally, from a distance. It never occurred to me that anyone would move me or think of anything but a professional relationship.
We were both quiet for about 10 minutes and sipped coffee in between.
“Why are you quiet?” she asked me.
“Because that is exactly what you need right now – to look up in the air and do nothing… It will do you more good than conversation. We were quiet for another ten minutes.
Then I asked her if she would smoke a cigarette…
I do not see why not…
She slowly sat up and said she had not felt that good in a long time.
“Actually, you have to relax or fall asleep first and then add fun to your schedule. Above all, you should no longer be available for others.
Your employees have to organize their work so that it is done on time. I did not see from your story that your husband supports you in any way…
Let’s agree to make a list of all the activities you think should be done at home and at work until next time, and write down what you do and what the others do.
When she waited for me at the door three days later, I had that feeling again… Only this time I showed no confusion, I even found the keys immediately.
We repeated the same procedure – again I left them for almost half an hour, staring into the air. I offered her a cigar again. Then she pulled a list of activities from her handbag, which had writing almost everywhere on it.
“What could your employees, your husband and your children do?”
She took the red pen and circled 80% of the activities…
“And why not?” I asked her.
“Because they do not know so well!” She answered sharply..
Fill out the form bellow to get the free e-book
I turned to the large window through which the clearing stretched to the sea.
“Do you see that nature? Nature is perfect, but there are many things one does not do. He does them exactly when he has to, and everything always comes out. Nature just knows that everything will be fine. And you think it never will? And that is the difference between yours and their perfection. Nature works spontaneously, it works the way it feels. It’s not in control. But you do not feel what you are doing, and you want to be in control. When you start to pass on these 80% of the tasks to others, the world keeps on turning, even though they may not be done exactly as you have imagined.
I gave her two drills. The first is called DETACHMENT BELT – she set alarms on her phone that will ring three times a day for the next three weeks. Each time it rings, I ask myself: Who am I? And what do I feel? This is when he begins to become aware of the given moment. Before he says YES too quickly, he is aware of the consequences. The second exercise, called MIRROR, helps us to recognize messages from our surroundings. I have advised her to always assign some tasks in advance after each encounter. We said goodbye.
Three weeks later she came to the meeting just in time, but she came in a tracksuit, completely changed… But the feeling with me was still the same.
She herself began to say: “You know, the first three days were very di cult. I thought I would call you and tell you that I would stop with these exercises and instructions. But because I am diligent, I want to do every task to the end. After three days, I suddenly had more than an hour left. At the office I thought of the same couch you have. That hour o” in the day, I lay dreaming, just as you suggested. I got back the feeling of what it was like to be a dreamy little girl. After 14 days, I completed all 80% of the tasks. During this time I also read your book in which you mention that we directors must have free Fridays. Well, today is Friday, and I have a day off”.
I have seen that this military tempo could be effective in another direction.
“How do you feel now after all this?” I asked her.
“I relaxed, breathed and began to discover myself as a woman. The colleagues did not complain at all when I shared the tasks with them, now they feel even more like part of the company. The children grumbled a little, but now they are great because they go to school alone in the morning, by bus, like the other classmates. They also come home earlier, they do not go to mom’s anymore, so they have more time for friends. Only the man has somehow moved away. After a long time I approached him, but he kind of pushed me away and said that he was very tired… And I thought about myself a little bit, but maybe I am not attractive enough or maybe I have neglected him all these years and maybe he has another… Countless questions that I have asked myself…
In fact, I saw that I had neglected myself and everyone around me a lot. I made sure that everyone had everything. But I was not really paying attention to anyone. Now I am much more relaxed with my children and work colleagues, we have more time for conversation. I feel I feel it again. In fact, I am just beginning to discover myself, I am just beginning to discover what I am like as a woman…”
She paused for a moment and then suddenly asked the question in peace and quiet: “What does it mean to you to be a woman?
This almost threw me o” my chair, because I understood exactly what she was asking me.
With her question I understood why these feelings came up during our meetings. Her feeling of suffocation did not come from too much work, but from the woman waking up. By helping her to reorganize her life, I let the genie right out of the bottle. Your wife began to live…
I turned to her. ‘I see that you have begun to discover who you are and that you feel that you have missed a lot in your life. Before answering this question, I could perhaps contact my colleague who is a gynecologist, but as a woman and an expert, she will be able to describe exactly what is happening to you and take you forward.”
I called the mayor Darija Mateja Strah and arranged their meeting.
It often happens that the client apparently falls in love with the counselor/psychotherapist because he is usually the only one who hears him and accepts him as he is and he can relax completely. Of course this is not true love, but only an emotional compensation that the person has neglected for a long time. We are specially prepared and also trained during our studies to ensure that we do not get involved with our clients in any way.
On my recommendation she turned to the doctor. She was punctual as always, but this time she came especially neatly, with a completely fresh hairstyle, make-up. Like out of a box.
“Good afternoon, I was told it would be good to contact you, although I already have my gynecologist… Well, what more can you offer me than other gynecologists? She looked at Darija a little too much.
Primarius Strahova looked at her like a companion under her glasses and immediately recognized the signs of jealousy. She met many women in her clinic and with more than 20 years of experience. Even those who, out of inner fears and uncertainties, which they naturally hide, start a conversation with a person by trying to reject him. They make her realize that they are perfect, that their value is far above that of others. And that they have not come because they are in need. Behind every woman’s insincerity is usually something other than just health care or advice on how to get through the day more easily every day.
She smiled slightly at them and asked them bluntly, “How is your sex life?
She almost fell off the table… “What do you mean? Yes… I mean… “She could not find the words.
“I understand, ma’am. You did not. In spite of your husband and the daily admiring glances of other men, you are really alone with everything. “
She leaned back, crossed her legs and nervously fixed her curled lock of hair. The filling had disappeared. It was necessary to look into the face of the woman sitting in front of her. She looked up. Silence. Then they laughed out loud. The charge eased. “I thought I had to take the Pap test, and you are about to start on another subject”. “A subject for real women, is not it?” The doctor winked at her. “I know the feeling. I know the feeling. Very good.”
The lady had still not quite decided how much to say about herself.
“You know, maybe it’s only 0.01% of my life, but I feel it means more than 50% to me. Then she looked honestly at the doctor: “Yes, I feel very unfulfilled. I want to be wanted, I just do not want men to see me as a sexual object or a man as an accessory for needs. I noticed how women looked at me eagerly, they just wanted to desire me. I have had offers… But I did not decide, although I was tempted. How do you feel about it? Would you respond to such an offer? “
Primarius’ fears became somewhat awkward as the lady oscillated between extreme introversion and expansive sincerity.
Primarius’ fears became somewhat awkward as the lady oscillated between extreme introversion and expansive sincerity. She replied: “You know, I too get such offers from time to time here at the clinic. Of course I do not mix up work and company. It is important to follow your feelings and at the same time to preserve your dignity. But perhaps you are mistaken about the importance of the views of certain women. Me, strong, maybe even too strong women who do a lot, especially in the field of career, but at the same time you know that we also have a family and children and also move regularly and watch theater, poetry, good films or anything else that interests us, we arouse a certain respect and admiration in others because many of us want to be like us. We all look around us and want to be like someone else, a seemingly extraordinary person for us. Perhaps you feel the views of people of the same sex in a way that you are the only one to experience, so connect them with it. And that is your hidden deficit. That something that would belong only to you, intimately connected to the man you love. And that is the femininity that is a little on the horizon right now.
By burying yourself in the work, you have directly “buried” the woman in you and taken on many a male role, which you probably fulfilled even better than a man. And so slowly the man no longer saw in you the woman he had married and had children. He sees you as a work friend, as a man he can rely on, he may even have a hidden complex, and he feels threatened by you, because he sees you as an extremely capable person. When a woman takes on male roles, she also becomes similar to them inwardly. It upsets the hormonal balance. No more of that scent, those pheromones that excite a man in her husband. But others, women, have felt it too. That is why you intercepted so many of their views, you obviously “masculinized” them.
Mr. Krajnc sent you here not only for an investigation, but to find out why you do not feel like a woman. As a gynecologist, I am not only concerned with how to heal a woman’s body, but I must be a good connoisseur of a woman’s soul, I must understand all her hormonal events that change in life. I have to recognize and help sexual problems. I have to encourage those who are transformed by their present life into hard workers who forget themselves. I need to teach them how to help themselves in this stressful life, both on their own and with the help of hormones, which are still carried by the mistaken general belief that they are harmful. I advocate a holistic approach to the individual. If the balance is disturbed somewhere, a holistic approach is needed to start “healing” on the right side, otherwise we can cause a domino effect. We will do a blood count and certain other tests and look at what you are missing on a physical level. We will combine the results with the findings of Mr. Extreme and together we will find an explanation for your reactions… But the most important thing is to change you and your well- being. In this way you will react differently to the environment or. the environment to you and your priorities will also change. “
“I will go for tests tomorrow, and if the results are available immediately, we can meet again this week …”, she agreed immediately. “It’s valid,” said Dr Fears. “But let us finish our consultation. And perhaps I will do another gynecological examination to check for some physical signs.
Women in their 40s are at the height of their psychophysical abilities.
Most have children who are at least old enough to be left without their safe but often protective supervision for a while each day. You are beginning to take care of yourself physically again, I must praise you here because you swim regularly, do not you? Swimming is mainly suitable for even muscle strengthening, but for some women it is less suitable because of chlorine and sometimes objectionable water. Chlorine affects the mucous membrane of the vagina, and it often happens that you then come for a gynecological examination because of an unpleasant discharge. “
“Hmm,” she said, “sometimes this happened to me several times, but every time I went to my gynecologist, he would only prescribe vaginal Canesten pills, sometimes he would not even look at me. It will pass, he said. “The doctor continued: “With personal gynecologists, more than 5,500 women are assigned to a single clinic, which is why the queue is so long and urgent examinations are often not available. I can take a lot of time for a single patient because I work in a self-paying clinic. Above all, I spend a lot of time talking to each other and trying to get to know the individual patient as well as possible so that I can help her as much as possible. And I ask every woman about her intimate life, among other things. Women do not start such a conversation of their own accord, but when asked, they open up and confide in me many problems. What surprises everyone is the many ways in which doctors can help. At the beginning I would like to ask you something very basic: What kind of contraception do you use? “The lady sat down. “Like everything,” she said, “pills, but I do not even know why I take them, considering my husband and I only get intimate a couple times a year. Even if I did not eat them… “she murmured more to herself than she did to the doctor.
“There are a lot of pills, more than 20 different kinds, but we have other kinds of protection. I asked you with a specific purpose. Like most people, you do not really know your medications because doctors rarely take the time to explain why they have chosen a particular therapy. They do not even know what the drug is called. You are a normal woman in this field, “the doctor laughed. “And please do not start describing to me the color of the cover and the pills, because that way we cannot know all the drugs, right? What exactly is your sexual desire? “
The lady sighed. “Um,” she said, “when I was younger and at the beginning of my relationship with my current husband, it was really quite different. Sometimes I find myself thinking about sex all the time. “Primarius Strahova laughed. “A few days a month? Nature does everything at a certain time. Except we are not aware that he does it for a reason. When a woman who is not using hormonal contraception has time to ovulate, her body releases a little more testosterone, but even this very small amount causes her thoughts to focus on sexuality. Why?Basically, we are also made to continue the species, just like any other species. And at a time when we can become pregnant, we feel a particularly strong desire. Men do not have any problems with their libido because of their structure and hormones, they are for the most part always in favor. However, they say that the greatest aphrodisiac is a woman’s willingness to make physical love. When the emotions, which are usually always in the foreground with a woman, step back from the primary desire and the man feels most desirable, then he feels more than he can feel. At that time there were only two roles: male as male and female as female. Usually a woman then becomes pregnant at some point in her life and the story changes radically. Well, we should not just focus on the child, but in most cases that is exactly what happens. We turn a man into a father, and a wonderful, desirable woman becomes a creature with countless roles, so that her basic feminine nature is completely lost. This is also completely natural, as nature again ensures that the puppy has the best chance of survival. However, since the puppy leaves the house very late, some unfortunately never, which is not natural, partners can be lost forever. And we have to learn how and when we as partners can draw the line between parenthood and our own relationship. Some know this, but most are lost. And then it is often too late. But let’s get back to my field. I do not know what pill you are on, but in view of what I am about to tell you, it’s not even that important. The hormones prescribed by your gynecologist belong to the group of pills that cause a reduction in sexual desire in about a fifth of women. When the active ingredient starts to circulate in the bloodstream, it can quickly bind to so-called “sex hormone-binding globulins“, small carriers that otherwise bind the tiny amount of testosterone that every woman has to deliver to target organs throughout the body. By binding another substance, testosterone cannot bind to it, and its role in generating desire is limited. And what happens: A woman who is basically afraid of an unwanted pregnancy feels safe, but what if she no longer has any interest in sex? A paradox of life arises, which of course no man understands. Now that it is really justified, one has protection and rejects intimacy, but who would understand us? Even the women themselves are not aware of this at first, but after a while they simply realize that maybe something is wrong. When they return to the gynecologist, these facts must of course be disclosed. The question is, however, whether it is possible to tell them everything in a single examination every 3 years. When was the last time you had a gynecological examination? “The lady thought. “I cannot remember very well, maybe a good two years ago?”
The doctor leaned back.
“We professionally recommend a gynecological exam every year, but it does not Health Insurance Company cover it. Have you ever had a breast ultrasound in your life? “No,” she said in surprise. “I mentioned it, but the gynecologist said he did not do it and that I should wait until I was 50 when they would do my first breast exam. That is eight years from now, unimaginably long. “” And an ultrasound of the internal birth canal, the ovaries? “” She said convincingly, “” For all I know, the doctor will take a smear and touch me. Sometimes my body is kind, and sometimes it hurts. When I tell him that I am in pain when he takes my smear, he waves his hand and says, “It cannot hurt.
Women over 40 should follow one rule: Take some time for yourself. Only then will you stay calm inside. I suggest some blood tests: blood count, cholesterol and lipids, water analysis. However, on the first and second day of your monthly wash, you will donate blood for some hormones. When you have collected everything, call me. I want to help you as soon as possible, “the doctor closed and smiled. They said goodbye friendly. They favored each other…
She knocked on my door without warning. She brought me a crate of Cubans, straight from Cuba. “Good morning, I brought your favorites”, she smiled broadly.
“You know, all the conversations I had with you and the energy that was triggered, it gave me a very strong sense of self-confidence. The time has come for me to really live out my perfection. I am a mother, I have developed my career, now I only have to develop myself, as a being, as a woman. I made this leap with your team, now I realize what life as a whole means. Thank you for bringing my life back. “
She hugged me and left!
Because of all the personal hardships, the successful businesswoman turned to a psychotherapist who asked her for help. They found that it was not only a psychological reaction but also a physiological imbalance. Together with a gynecologist, they found out that a woman needs a hormonal balance for a healthy attitude towards herself, which becomes a real rarity for a modern, busy businesswoman. Preventive maintenance of a woman’s health, based on examination, analysis of stress and other hormones and the right treatment, is one of the basic requirements for a woman to begin to build up a more holistic and also psychological attitude. The aim of the joint work of the two experts is not to eradicate the current plight of the individual, but to try to prevent burnout forever. To teach a woman how to lead a healthier and happier life and to nourish every day what she loses through overwork: the right to be just a woman for one day. With all due respect for himself, he also teaches his environment what he really needs. Such a woman becomes a man at work, in her family and in the intimate world, who can give her energy back to those who treat her with respect.
Author of the article: Milan Krajnc, pedagogue, entrepreneur & crisis manager I teach you to look “at yourself” as a third person. For more information or an introductory meeting, write to me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Primary Darija Mateja Strah she is a specialist in gynecology and obstetrics with 20 years of practice. She helps women of all ages by treating the individual holistically. She aware them of how to be a healthy woman by balancing hormones and body. Fear Diagnostic Center, email@example.com;
Dynamic Leadership model
The purpose of the book is to present a dynamic leadership model, which in more than a hundred cases has proven to be a great way to get out of business and personal crisis and how to overcome difficulties without even going into crisis.